Self-reflection and self-awareness sounds scary and a bit ‘new age’. Maybe something reserved for therapists, serious yoga practitioners and regular meditators, or that whacky hippy dude down the road!
It’s not true.
Self-reflection is for all of us and, while at times challenging and confronting, doesn’t need to be scary.
While self-reflection and self-awareness are important for many reasons, one key reason is to help you discover your purpose and your passion.
I used to be reluctant to spend too much time in my own head. Partly because I wasn’t sure I had the time, and partly because I thought I was already pretty in touch with myself.
After all, I thought, I am a trained social worker and successful lawyer and have things together, or at least mostly together most of the time.
It was when I was training to become the first blind person in the world to complete an entire Tough Mudder obstacle course that a number of people asked me to share my thoughts, experiences and strategies for achieving in life.
They suggested I launch a website and even join the speaking circuit.
This seemed a little self-centred to me. Putting myself out there. But I gave the suggestions, and the people who made them, the focus they deserved.
I came to realise it was selfish only if I was doing it for me.
I discovered my purpose is to help others unleash their potential. To help you realise, understand, proudly proclaim and live your purpose.the power of purpose, and why taking yourself for granted can be dangerous.
Here are my 6 tips to help get you on the self-awareness path, followed by some questions you can ask yourself to kickstart the process.
1. Self-reflection is not selfish
It is completely fine to spend time thinking ‘about’ yourself. This is different from thinking ‘of’ yourself.
I felt quite uncomfortable dwelling on myself. It felt weird, and a little self-centred or selfish. I assure you, though, being more aware of yourself is not only good for you, but for those around you as well. It is a way of giving and is not selfish.
Don’t feel guilty or bad about spending time for you because at the end of the day it isn’t just about you.
Instead, embrace it.
Understanding who you are, your fears, doubts and insecurities, your passion and purpose opens the door to becoming a stronger and better person. And being a stronger and better person benefits those around you, your friends, family, work colleagues.
2. Make time for thinking. Yes, make time, don’t find time
Clear your calendar, clear your mind, and turn down the static.
I stopped reading fiction books, stopped listening to podcasts and scaled back my time on social networks, which allowed me to lock in dedicated windows for thinking.
If you are interested in freeing up some thinking time, you may well make your time some other way. For you it might be limiting your gaming, watching less television or spending your time on the bus (or even the toilet!) thinking instead of reading email, tweeting or checking Facebook.
Lock in the time. I mean really lock it in. Block out time in your calendar and when the time comes, do it. That’s not to say that you can’t think at other times. If the urge takes you, go with it. A moment of self-realisation or a particularly interesting or powerful insight can strike at any time.
There is plenty of information out there about how to get into the right mindset and space for good quality thinking. I won’t go into too much detail here, but the next couple of tips might help.
3. Limit your distractions
We spend a good deal of our personal ‘me time’ searching for and consuming external stimulus, commonly in the pursuit of entertainment or learning. We are becoming less and less comfortable spending time in our own minds just thinking.
And I am just as guilty. The amount of time I spend reading, listening to podcasts and playing my favourite card game app could often be better spent. Not always, of course – there is nothing at all wrong with spending time relaxing in a way you enjoy.
Find a quiet space, or as quiet as possible. Free from other non-digital distractions too. Like kids, dogs, your incomplete 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and those other chores that all of a sudden become fun and interesting (like washing the dishes, folding the laundry or cleaning out the birdcage).
4. Write things down
Writing things down is important. It helps consolidate your thinking and can also help trigger other thoughts.
If you are like me and think while you are speaking, then go ahead and talk out loud, but write things down as well. Start with bullet points and streams of consciousness, then come back later and refine.
5. Don’t judge yourself or others
Once you start to open up your awareness, who knows what you might start to think. What ever it is, don’t judge it. Just get it out for now.
If certain feelings and emotions are untapped, acknowledge those things and write them down as well.
Are you smiling? Frowning? Happy? Angry? Frustrated? Upset? Disappointed? Excited? Energised?
We are particularly bad at acknowledging and identifying our positive traits, the things we are good at and that bring us joy. So you might need to turn up the volume on these a little, just so they get a fair go.
6. Don’t take yourself for granted and be curious
Which is kind of 2 points in one. Bonus!
By not taking yourself for granted and giving yourself the respect and courtesy that you would give others, you will open the door to more genuine self-enquiry.
Pretend you are meeting yourself for the first time, which might not be too far from the truth. Get to know you like you would if you were building a new relationship with someone you have just met.
Be genuinely and openly curious about who you are, what you do and what makes you tick.
So, go on, give this thinking, this internal reflection, a try. You don’t even have to tell anyone that you are doing it if you don’t want to.
The following questions might help kickstart your internal thinking juices. They did for me.
- What am I truly passionate about? What do I love doing? What interests and excites me?
- What has helped me to achieve what I have achieved in life? What got me to where I am now?
- Who is important to me? What is important to me? Why?
- What is missing in my life? What feels incomplete?
- What would the world miss out on if I didn’t reach my full potential?
- There are certain things I do where time just disappears, where I get completely lost in what I am doing. What are these things?
- What do you love doing that just feels a part of you?
- What do you do to fill your time even when you are not being paid for it?
Challenging yourself to dwell on these questions will make you feel uncomfortable, and coming up with the answers won’t happen overnight.
It is worth it, though, I promise.
Don’t be hard on yourself, it is not easy. We are not used to looking inwards like this – especially if we then start committing it to paper. Give yourself time to unpack and contemplate what has flowed from your thinking and self-reflection.
I can’t say what you might discover, but I bet you will learn something that surprises you. I promise it won’t be a waste of time.
Have you made some thinking time? If so, what strategy worked for you and what surprising thing did you discover about yourself?